Regent's Reviews

The latest issue of Regent's Reviews is now out, and can be downloaded from here.

Congratulations to Andy for another excellent and fascinating edition.

My own contribution is three reviews on the following books:

J. Ramsey Michaels, The Gospel of John. The New International Commentary on
the New Testament (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2010).

Ben Witherington III, Revelation and The End Times: Unravelling God’s Message
of Hope (Nashville: Abingdon Press/Alban , 2010).

Christopher Morse, The Difference Heaven Makes: Rehearing the Gospel as News
(London: T&T Clark, 2010).

A class of theologians

A video taken by Polly of me playing the Rowan Atkinson schoolmaster for a class of theologians (script below).



And here's the original:



Right. Quiet.
Ambrose. Basil. Barth. Calvin. Dogma.
Eschaton Major. Eschaton Minor. Flacius. Gnostic.
Hermeneutic. Jerome. Kerygma.
Latitudinarian. Millennium.
Niebuhr R. Niebuhr H.R.

Come on, settle down.
Pericope. Saint. Schism.
Tao. Tao?
Underhill. Zwingli. Absent

All right, your essays.

Discuss the contention that Bathsheba had the body of a roll-top desk and the mind of a duck. Oxford and Cambridge Board O Level paper, 1976.

Don't fidget, Barth.

The answer: yes.

Jerome, Niebuhr R., Schism and Underhill see me afterwards.
Most of you of course didn't write nearly enough.
Eschaton Major, your answer was unreadable.

Put it away, Pericope! If I see it once more this period, Pericope, I shall have to tweak you. Do you have a solicitor, Pericope? You're lying, so I shall tweak you anyway. See me afterwards to be tweaked. Yes, isn't life tragic! Don't sulk, boy. Has matron seen those boils? Horrid little twerp.

Barth, Eschaton Major, Gnostic, Kerygma: plagiarism.

Calvin: answer upside down. Do you do it deliberately, Calvin? You're a moron. A carbuncle on the backside of humanity.

Don't snigger, Jerome! It's not funny. Second Samuel is not a funny book. If God had meant it to be funny, he would have put a joke in it. There is no joke in Second Samuel, you'd know that if you'd read it, wouldn't you, Jerome? Pest!

What book of the Bible does have a joke in it? Anyone? The book of Leviticus! It’s full of them. It’s not that funny, Barth

Basil? BASIL! Leave Ambrose alone! What a lot.

Right, for the rest of this period you will write about Metempschosis. Underhill, just try and write Metempsychoss. Usual conditions, no conferring, no eating, no cheating, no looking out of windows, no slang, no slide rules. Use ink only, via a nib, if possible. You may use dividers, but not on each other.

Millennium, you're in charge. For now...

I Am The Very Model Of A Liberal Millennial

I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I am the very model of a liberal millennial
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I've information biblical and not at all heretical
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
I know the kings of Judah, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
From Midian to Jericho, in ordering canonical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters systematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
I understand Aquinas, and his Summa Theological
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news
About the fate of evil ones I find I always must enthuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotepotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's the Lord's good news


I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I'm very good at integrating different theologies
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
I know the proofs from reason in Tertullian's apologies
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I am the very model of a liberal millennial

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
He is the very model of a liberal millennial

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's
I know our mythic history, King David's and Metheuselah's
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
I answer hard agnostics, and can disprove what Confucius says
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of the Herodians
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous
In doctrine I can floor peculiarities Pelagian

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
I can tell undoubting Protestants from Gerald Coates to John Hagee
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes
I know those wretched choruses and ditties from the seventies
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore
I find I cannot help but sing whatever Graham Kendrick says
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinapinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Mission Praise

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
Then I can write a thesis now in Babylonic cuneform
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
And tell you ev’ry detail of the Canaanitic land reform
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I am the very model of a liberal millennial

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
He is the very model of a liberal millennial


For my next project:
The Doctrine of the Trinity as 'Three little maids from school are we'