I Am The Very Model Of A Liberal Millennial

I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I am the very model of a liberal millennial
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I've information biblical and not at all heretical
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
I know the kings of Judah, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
From Midian to Jericho, in ordering canonical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters systematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
I understand Aquinas, and his Summa Theological
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news
About the fate of evil ones I find I always must enthuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotepotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's the Lord's good news


I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I'm very good at integrating different theologies
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
I know the proofs from reason in Tertullian's apologies
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I am the very model of a liberal millennial

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
He is the very model of a liberal millennial

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's
I know our mythic history, King David's and Metheuselah's
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
I answer hard agnostics, and can disprove what Confucius says
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of the Herodians
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous
In doctrine I can floor peculiarities Pelagian

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
I can tell undoubting Protestants from Gerald Coates to John Hagee
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes
I know those wretched choruses and ditties from the seventies
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore
I find I cannot help but sing whatever Graham Kendrick says
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinapinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Mission Praise

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
Then I can write a thesis now in Babylonic cuneform
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
And tell you ev’ry detail of the Canaanitic land reform
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I am the very model of a liberal millennial

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
He is the very model of a liberal millennial


For my next project:
The Doctrine of the Trinity as 'Three little maids from school are we'

The Unforgiveable Sin

OK here’s the rant, and I should warn you, it’s been a long time coming...

About five years ago, the powers that be in the road transport industry became convinced that in the name of safety it would be in all our interests to replace the corrugated metal crash barriers which run down the centre of our motorways. These tried and tested barricades, with built in ‘give’ to absorb the impact of a crash, were, it seemed, passé. So they replaced them for a while with what those of us who ride motorbikes (a Honda VFR750F if you’re interested) call ‘human cheese wire’. Eventually, they saw the error of their ways and started to remove the wire, to replace it with a more functional alternative: our motorways are now divided by state-of-the-art barriers which I call ‘concrete walls’. You’ve probably noticed this. I still can’t work out how careering into a concrete wall at 70+mph is a safer bet than a carefully engineered crash barrier, but there you go, you can’t argue with progress. However, that is not the object of my rant. It is merely the starting point for the sequence of actions which led to my discovery, this morning, of a physical manifestation of the Unforgiveable Sin.

I live in Bristol and work in Cardiff. It is a journey of 36 miles, and should take me 36 minutes door-to-door. A very acceptable commute, I feel. It’s motorway almost all the way, and I like driving. No problems. I do blanche slightly at having to pay every day to use the Second Severn Crossing. It was £3.70 when I started this journey on a regular basis in 2004, and it’s now £5.70. I can’t see that it’s £2 per day better, but you can’t argue with progress. On the subject of paying to use motorways, though, if I might digress for a moment... a) what is my road tax for if not to pay for the roads I use? and b) if I do have to pay to use a road, I really really really really expect that the act of paying for it should not make the experience of using it worse. If I pay for something that should by rights be free at the point of use, I want a better experience and not a worse one. If I were to choose not to have my operation with the NHS, and to go to a BUPA hospital instead (I wouldn’t, that that’s beside the point), I would expect that the BUPA experience would exceed that of the NHS one, not the opposite. So, to motorways. On the whole (this morning excepted, but I’m coming to that), motorways allow me to travel at 70mph, uninterrupted, and efficiently. It’s a great idea: a long, straight road, with lanes for the slow people, and lanes for me and my speed-loving compatriots. No roundabouts, no T-junctions, no in-built obstacles. All for free (or at least, paid for by my road tax). But then we get to the Second Severn Crossing, or the Dartford Crossing, both of which I use regularly. At this point I have to pay extra. So what do I get for my money? Can I travel at 100mph on this bit of road? No I flipping well can’t! What I get is a long queue whilst I wait to give them my money. It’s outrageous. There should be a law passed which states that if the queue to pay to use the road exceeds a waiting time of, oh I don’t know, 30 seconds, the barriers should be opened until the queue has dissipated. Necessity is the mother of invention, and I’m fairly sure they’d quickly find a way of billing me without making me wait for the privilege. They can fine me if I exceed 50mph in an average speed camera zone, and that happens when I speed up. So surely there’s a way of billing me to use the road which doesn’t require me to slow down, stop, wait in a queue, and then hand over cash or wait for the machine to read my Tag?

Anyway, to the M4. The process of replacing crash barriers with concrete walls has been rolling out across the UK with relative ease. A few weeks of roadworks, warnings of ‘possible delays until November’ (that long?) and hey presto, you’ve got a nice unforgiving concrete wall to hit. However, not so on the stretch of the M4 to the north of Newport. There, about four years ago, they put in 15 miles of ‘average speed cameras’ (could they not afford good ones?), limiting us all to 50mph. They removed the old corrugated metal barriers, and employed a couple of guys to begin the process of building the new concrete wall one pebble at a time. Mile after mile of restricted speed, but with no obvious sign of work taking place for 95% of that length. About a year ago, they realised that there was no discernable progress being made, and so instituted overnight M4 closures north of Cardiff, between 8pm and 6am. I frequently travel home after 8pm, and now have to use the SDR (Southern Distributor Road) round the south side of Newport. OK. As long as they’re making progress. But are they? After a year of overnight closures, coupled with years of speed restriction, still, very little is happening.

Part of the ‘improvements’ (building concrete walls, filling in pot-holes, re-painting the white lines) has involved the installation of incredibly sophisticated advanced traffic management warning systems. Or, as I call them, ‘large dot matrix screens’. It’s not a bad idea. If there’s a problem, they can use the screen to let me know, and I can take a decision to go another way. So, this morning, at 7.00am, I’m travelling along the M4, and all is well with the world. The dot matrix screens are blank. Suddenly, I hit the back of a queue. All stop. What? There must have been a terrible accident, I thought. How dreadful. A rush-hour fatal accident in the tunnels perhaps? It’s happened before. I put on the local radio, and waited for a traffic report. And when one came, I received my insight into the Unforgiveable Sin.

Apparently, the overnight roadworks had ‘overrun’. What??? Scheduled, planned roadworks, that have been ongoing for years, overrun to the extent that the entire M4 has to be closed in the morning rush-hour. This simply should never happen. There is no excuse. I, and thousands and thousands of other motorists sat in a queue for an hour, waiting to filter down to the hard shoulder to get round the ‘overrun’ roadworks. Vast amounts of money were lost this morning to the economy of South Wales due to the late arrival at work of thousands of commuters. Why? Because the roadworks had ‘overrun’. So I queued, and queued, and queued. Eventually, like grain of sand in the egg-timer of the M4, I reached the ‘overrun’ roadworks. As I drew level with the blockage, I expected to find a motorway full of highway engineers, all working frantically to resolve the problem caused by their nocturnal incompetence. But no. The entire motorway was coned off, but there was not a lorry, not a digger, not a road roller or concrete mixer to be seen; in fact there was no sign of any work being undertaken whatsoever. Simply two guys, wearing yellow jackets, wandering around where the fast lane, my lane, ought to be; pondering whether to remove the cones and open the motorway. This is the Unforgiveable Sin.

Questions of Identity

I've been part of a conspiracy recently...

A book has been in production to honour Brian Haymes, and yesterday was the day when some of us who have contributed chapters made our way to Manchester to surprise Brian with a formal presentation.

He was preaching at his home church in Didsbury, and emerged from the vestry to be confronted with several rows of family and friends who had come for the occasion. One he had got over the shock, and realised that he had not in fact gatecrashed his own funeral, Ruth Gouldbourne and Alan Kreider offered some words of appreciation for Brian's ministry and friendship, and then presented him with a copy of the book. Anthony Cross also spoke as co-editor of the volume with Ruth, and Sean Winter sent a video message.

Brian then recovered sufficiently to preach on the first two chapters of Jonah, reminding us that there is nowhere we can go to escape the presence of God. He also said that Jonah was in his top three amusing biblical books, which left me wondering what the other two are...? (Leviticus?) It was a privilege to receive his ministry once again, and I am reminded why it is that I frequently tell people that he is the greatest Baptist preacher I have ever heard.

Here is the cover of the book (click to enlarge):

Here is the blurb:

Throughout the Baptist tradition issues of Baptist identity are being explored and widely debated. The Rev. Dr Brain Haymes is the former Principal of Northern and Bristol Baptist Colleges, and President of the Baptist Union of Great Britain. He has lectured widely and influenced many contemporary discussions of Baptist life and thought in Britain and further afield. He has been a great encourager of both established and younger scholars and ministers, and this collection of essays takes up themes in his many and various writings. Not only is it fitting to honour one of our leading Baptist pastor-scholars, but also to explore issues of widespread importance to Baptists in the early twenty-first century.


Contributors are: Faith Bowers, John E. Colwell, Anthony R. Cross, Paul S. Fiddes, Barry Harvey, Stephen R. Holmes, Ruth Gouldbourne, Alan Kreider, Robert Parkinson, Michael J. Quicke, Christopher Rowland, Sean F. Winter, Simon Woodman, and Nigel G. Wright.


Commendations:
‘Brian Haymes’ ministry epitomises the very best of the tradition of the scholar-pastor, moving easily between the worlds of seminary and pastorate. Here an international team of authors in articles, both searching and relevant, pay tribute to a man who has himself done so much to enrich our understanding of Baptist identity, here explored in splendid diversity.’
John H.Y. Briggs is Professor Emeritus, the University of Birmingham, and Research Professor, the International Baptist Theological Seminary, Prague


‘These essays provide a rich combination of scholarly and pastoral insight, a most appropriate tribute to a Baptist whose long ministry has testified to the dual importance of rigorous academic study allied to the actual practice of ministry. But they are also immensely worth reading in their own right as examples of lively engagement with biblical, historical and theological issues stimulated by our current questions of religious identity.’
Keith W. Clements is a writer, and former Tutor at Bristol Baptist College, Co-ordinating Secretary for International Affairs, Council of Churches for Britain and Ireland, and General Secretary of the Conference of European Churches


‘This Festschrift honours a much treasured scholar, Baptist minister and personal friend, Brian Haymes. Its chapters explore many of the passions that have shaped his distinguished ministries as preacher, pastor and theological educator. They properly reflect the richness of Brian’s contribution to Baptist and wider ecumenical life, and are themselves good examples of the scholarship to which he has been so deeply committed.’
Richard L. Kidd is Co-Principal of the Northern Baptist Learning Community in Manchester


‘Baptists around the world have been fortunate to call Brian Haymes their teacher and friend. Now some of them are honouring him by giving a gift to all Baptists. These essays will inspire and instruct Baptists, and extend Brian’s work in the process. They reflect those subjects that have animated his thought and work: scripture and its interpretation; sacramentality; proclamation; morality; education; Anabaptism; and conscience. In so doing, they offer a winsome picture of Baptist identity, issuing a call to live Christian life at full stretch, growing as persons and communities into the fullness of Christ.’
Philip E. Thompson is Professor of Systematic Theology and Christian Heritage, Sioux Falls Seminary, Sioux Falls, South Dakota

And finally, here is the abstract for my own chapter:

Turn or Burn!
A Nonviolent Reading of Fire and Burning in the Book of Revelation

From Richard Baxter and Charles Spurgeon to contemporary fundamentalist preachers, the book of Revelation has been a fruitful resource for those seeking to espouse a ‘turn or burn’ theology. From its imagery of heavenly fire which consumes the nations of the earth, to the fire and sulphur which torment those who worship the beast, Revelation can seem to depict an unambiguously fiery end to those who will not turn to God. The question addressed in this paper concerns whether such a reading is the only way of encountering this imagery, or whether an alternative reading emerges when the text is approached from the perspective of a nonviolent hermeneutic. To this end, the tradition of Anabaptist nonviolence will be utilised as a hermeneutical key to engage the imagery of fire and burning in the book of Revelation.

The Plainly Revealed Word of God?

The Plainly Revealed Word of God?
Baptist Hermeneutics in Theory and Practice
Helen Dare and Simon Woodman

A twenty-first-century discussion of the nature of Baptist Hermeneutics

In January 2009, an international group of Baptist theologians met in Cardiff, UK, for a colloquium to explore the theory and practice of Baptist hermeneutics. Drawing primarily from the British Baptist community, the group’s work was enhanced by insights from participants from the USA and Eastern Europe.
Participants brought a diversity of scholarly and pastoral interests to the colloquium, and through presentation and discussion explored together the nature of Baptist hermeneutics.

The resulting volume addresses five core thematic areas. The first section surveys the way in which Baptists have engaged with the Bible both in their early history and more recent past. Section two analyzes some specific examples of Baptist hermeneutics in practice, while the third section turns attention to an exploration of theoretical approaches to the hermeneutical task in Baptist contexts. The problem of how to negotiate interpretative difference within Baptist reading communities is addressed in the fourth section. Finally, concluding responses to the project from two non-Baptist theologians challenge both contributors and readers to consider the wider implications of the volume for contemporary Baptist life.

Check out the Amazon page here.

Postcards from the wall #19

Here's another postcard from my study wall:

Radio 2 - Pause for Thought

 
This is my Pause for Thought from today's Nikki Bedi programme on Radio 2. 


Reproduced with kind permission from the BBC.




Recently, I went to see The Sound of Music at the theatre, with the wonderful Connie Fisher playing the part of Maria, and to my slight surprise had one of the best evenings out in a long time!

aving grown up watching the film on TV every Christmas, I found that I knew all the words, to all the songs, even though I hadn’t seen it for years. The strong tunes of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s musical score stayed with me for days, and I kept finding myself whistling ‘The Lonely Goatherd’ or ‘Do-Re-Mi’ at inappropriate moments. And as for Edelweiss, Edelweiss, so good they named it twice, well, what can I say?!

One of my friends asked me if I was going to go in costume, and although the temptation was strong to dress up as an army officer, or even as a nun, my sense of dignity got the better of me on this occasion.

One of the slightly strange things about the evening was the fact that some of the audience were carrying small brown paper packages tied up with strings, but all became clear when they gave them to those sitting near them during the song ‘My Favourite Things’.

Which brings me to boxing day – the day when traditionally people gave Christmas Boxes to tradesmen, to thank them for all they had done during the year. And I wonder which, if any, of the gifts we’ve received this year we are going to really treasure, and which we might already be planning to give away next year, or to return to the shop unopened?

Is there a gift we have received this year that will be, in years to come, one of our ‘favourite things’. I’m not just thinking about the gifts we opened yesterday, but the gifts we’ve received throughout the year: gifts of love, hope, new life, and forgiveness.

In the Bible, Jesus says: “I am leaving you with a gift -- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid.” (Jn 14.27) And I wonder, this boxing day, if there is any greater gift than this? “peace of mind and heart.”

Radio 2 - Pause for Thought

 
This is my Pause for Thought from today's Roger Royle programme on Radio 2. 

Reproduced on the Hopeful Imagination blog with kind permission from the BBC. You can listen again here, 30 minutes into the show.


Good morning, and happy Christmas.

It’s a strange day, Christmas day, isn’t it? I mean, at one level it’s a day like any other, falling rather predictably between the 24th and 26th days of the 12th month. But at another level it’s a day like no other.

We’ve been building up to it for weeks, months even, and the sense of anticipation has been mounting inexorably. From garish grottos in garden centres, to cheesy canned Christmas music round every corner, there has been no escaping the increasingly imminent arrival of Christmas day itself.

And now it’s here, it’s arrived. So happy Christmas.

And what, I wonder, will today hold? Giving? Receiving?; Eating? Drinking?; Family? Loneliness?; Happiness? Sadness? For each of us, today will bring a unique mixture of emotions and activities. But then, as quickly as it began, it’ll all be over. The day passes, and we wonder where on earth it went.

And also, we might wonder, what on earth it meant? Dinah Washington famously sang ‘What a difference a day makes’, and we might well ask this as a question of Christmas day. Just what difference does this one day make?

Within the Christian tradition, Christmas is a day of celebration, but it’s also a day of remembrance. It points back in time to another day, long past, when a young woman gave birth to a child. Just another day, just another birth. And yet Christians believe that that day, that that birth, in some way changed everything. The birth-day of Jesus, one moment in history, one day among many, is celebrated as the moment history changed, the moment God became human.

The Canadian singer Bruce Cockburn puts it beautifully in his song Cry of a tiny babe: Like a stone on the surface of a still river, Driving the ripples on forever, Redemption rips through the surface of time in the cry of a tiny babe.

So, as I said, happy Christmas.

Bible and Justice: Ancient Texts, Modern Challenges

I've just heard that this book, in which I have a chapter, is now published:


Bible and Justice: Ancient Texts, Modern Challenges 
Edited by Matthew J.M. Coomber

You can buy your own copy here.


This book had its origins in the Sheffield conference of the same title, held in 2008. It promises to be an exciting and challenging read.


The blurb from the publisher is as follows:

Description
The Bible contains a variety of passages that defend the poor and champion the cause of the oppressed, but are these ancient texts able to find a voice in confronting injustice in the modern world? Bible and Justice, a selection of papers compiled from the proceedings of the 2008 Conference on Bible and Justice at the University of Sheffield, addresses this question. The authors gathered within this volume explore the various ways in which the Bible might effectively confront an array of human rights, poverty and environmental concerns, while considering the difficulties that arise when ancient concepts of justice are applied to modern socio-political ideals. Written to be accessible to those outside the field of biblical studies, Bible and Justice will be a valuable resource for both academics and non-academics alike.

Contents
Introduction

Part 1:Challenges and Understanding of Bible and Justice
1. On the Genesis of the Alliance between the Bible and Rights
Yvonne Sherwood, University of Glasgow

2. Rough Justice?
Philip Davies, University of Sheffield

3. Is the Belief in Human Rights either Biblical or Useful?
John Sandys-Wunsch,

4. Jesus: The Justice of God
Stanley Hauerwas, Duke University Divinity School

Part 2: Uses and Approaches to Bible and Justice
5. Justice and Violence in the Priestly Utopia
Walter J. Houston, Mansfield College, Oxford

6. A Signs Source: Approaching Deaf Biblical Interpretation
Louise J. Lawrence, University of Exeter

7. From a Reconstruction and Development Programme (RDP) of the Economy to the RDP of the Soul: Public Realm Biblical Appropriation in Postcolonial South Africa
Gerald West, University of KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa

Part 3: Prospects for Applications of Bible and Justice
8. The Old Testament and the Environment
J.W. Rogerson, University of Sheffield

9. Ecojustice in the Bible? Pauline Contributions to an Ecological Theology
David G. Horrell, University of Exeter

10. Can the Book of Revelation be a Gospel for the Environment?
Simon P. Woodman, South Wales Baptist College

11. ‘I Have Always Relied on the Kindness of Strangers’: Hospitality and the Geneva Conventions of Ancient Israel
Diana Lipton, King’s College London

12. Prophets to Profits: Ancient Judah and Corporate Globalization
Matthew J.M. Coomber


Reviews
'This is a truly major contribution to discourse about the Bible and Ethics. To date the discussion has been dominated by simplistically polarized positions: on the one hand, the assumption that the Bible supports justice today without equivocation; on the other hand, the assumption that the outdated ethical views of the Bible are inapplicable today. The present volume confronts this dichotomy head-on by showing how the Bible may indeed contribute to efforts at social justice today once the difficulties in bridging the temporal and sociopolitical gap that separates us from the biblical world is taken fully into account. This volume coincides with the newly established Center and Library for the Bible and Social Justice in the United States which is committed to a critical sharing of the biblical imperatives for social justice with scholars, clergy, laity, and especially social activists and educators.'
Norman K. Gottwald, Professor Emeritus of Biblical Studies, New York Theological Seminary, and author of The Tribes of Yahweh

The missing tenth 'lesson'? - Zechariah 2.6 (KJV)

These notes on Zechariah are from the Common Man's (sic) Reference Bible (sick)

HT Ben Myers

Terry Eagleton on gay goblins

Religious faith is not in the first place a matter of subscribing to the proposition that a Supreme Being exists, which is where almost all atheism and agnosticism goes awry. God does not "exist" as an entity in the world. Atheist and believer can at least concur on that. Moreover, faith is for the most part performative rather than propositional. Christians certainly believe that there is a God. But this is not what the credal statement "I believe in God" means. It resembles an utterance like "I have faith in you" more than it does a statement like "I have a steadfast conviction that some goblins are gay." - Terry Eagleton, Reason, Faith and Revolution, p. 111