Come on, settle down.
Pericope. Saint. Schism.
Tao. Tao?
Underhill. Zwingli. Absent
All right, your essays.
Discuss the contention that Bathsheba had the body of a roll-top desk and the mind of a duck. Oxford and Cambridge Board O Level paper, 1976.
Don't fidget, Barth.
The answer: yes.
Jerome, Niebuhr R., Schism and Underhill see me afterwards.
Most of you of course didn't write nearly enough.
Eschaton Major, your answer was unreadable.
Put it away, Pericope! If I see it once more this period, Pericope, I shall have to tweak you. Do you have a solicitor, Pericope? You're lying, so I shall tweak you anyway. See me afterwards to be tweaked. Yes, isn't life tragic! Don't sulk, boy. Has matron seen those boils? Horrid little twerp.
Calvin: answer upside down. Do you do it deliberately, Calvin? You're a moron. A carbuncle on the backside of humanity.
Don't snigger, Jerome! It's not funny. Second Samuel is not a funny book. If God had meant it to be funny, he would have put a joke in it. There is no joke in Second Samuel, you'd know that if you'd read it, wouldn't you, Jerome? Pest!
What book of the Bible does have a joke in it? Anyone? The book of Leviticus! It’s full of them. It’s not that funny, Barth
Basil? BASIL! Leave Ambrose alone! What a lot.
Right, for the rest of this period you will write about Metempschosis. Underhill, just try and write Metempsychoss. Usual conditions, no conferring, no eating, no cheating, no looking out of windows, no slang, no slide rules. Use ink only, via a nib, if possible. You may use dividers, but not on each other.
I am the very model of a modern Major-General I am the very model of a liberal millennial I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral I've information biblical and not at all heretical I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical I know the kings of Judah, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical From Midian to Jericho, in ordering canonical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters systematical I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical I understand Aquinas, and his Summa Theological About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news About the fate of evil ones I find I always must enthuse With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotepotenuse With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's the Lord's good news
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus I'm very good at integrating different theologies I know the scientific names of beings animalculous I know the proofs from reason in Tertullian's apologies In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical I am the very model of a modern Major-General I am the very model of a liberal millennial
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical He is the very model of a modern Major-General He is the very model of a liberal millennial
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's I know our mythic history, King David's and Metheuselah's I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox I answer hard agnostics, and can disprove what Confucius says I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of the Herodians In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous In doctrine I can floor peculiarities Pelagian
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies I can tell undoubting Protestants from Gerald Coates to John Hagee I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes I know those wretched choruses and ditties from the seventies Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore I find I cannot help but sing whatever Graham Kendrick says And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinapinafore And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Mission Praise
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform Then I can write a thesis now in Babylonic cuneform And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform And tell you ev’ry detail of the Canaanitic land reform In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical I am the very model of a modern Major-General I am the very model of a liberal millennial
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical He is the very model of a modern Major-General He is the very model of a liberal millennial
For my next project:
The Doctrine of the Trinity as 'Three little maids from school are we'
The Book of Revelation: Currents in British Research on the Apocalypse
The Plainly Revealed Word of God?
Questions of Identity
Wisdom, Science and the Scriptures
Prayers of the People
The Way the World Ends?
Bible and Justice
Delivering the Word
Dictionary of the Bible and Western Culture
The story of Women in Ministry in the Baptist Union of Great Britain
The Book of Revelation - Bible Society
The content of this blog represents my own personal opinions, and not those of any organisations with which I am affiliated. No offence is intended, and no animals were harmed in the making of this website.
