Tuesday, 5 April 2011

I Am The Very Model Of A Liberal Millennial



I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I am the very model of a liberal millennial
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I've information biblical and not at all heretical
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
I know the kings of Judah, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
From Midian to Jericho, in ordering canonical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters systematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
I understand Aquinas, and his Summa Theological
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news
About the fate of evil ones I find I always must enthuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's good news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotepotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the sharing of the Lord's the Lord's good news


I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I'm very good at integrating different theologies
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
I know the proofs from reason in Tertullian's apologies
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I am the very model of a liberal millennial

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
He is the very model of a liberal millennial

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's
I know our mythic history, King David's and Metheuselah's
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
I answer hard agnostics, and can disprove what Confucius says
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of the Herodians
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous
In doctrine I can floor peculiarities Pelagian

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
I can tell undoubting Protestants from Gerald Coates to John Hagee
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes
I know those wretched choruses and ditties from the seventies
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore
I find I cannot help but sing whatever Graham Kendrick says
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Praise
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinapinafore
And whistle all the tunes from that infernal songbook Mission Mission Praise

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
Then I can write a thesis now in Babylonic cuneform
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
And tell you ev’ry detail of the Canaanitic land reform
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I am the very model of a liberal millennial

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
In short, in matters biblical and not at all heretical
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
He is the very model of a liberal millennial


For my next project:
The Doctrine of the Trinity as 'Three little maids from school are we'

5 comments:

Glen Marshall said...

Too much time on your hands! (And silliness in your head.)

Catriona said...

Fantastic! Can't wait for the next one.

Ed Kaneen said...

Marvellous, and clear proof of Ecclesiastes' statement that too much study wearies the flesh (at least, if the photo is also representative)! If only there was a way of making 'canonical' scan instead of 'categorical' in line 4!

Baptist Bookworm said...

Ed - there is:
From Midian to Jericho, in ordering canonical
That's much better!

Robyn said...

LOL - the Trinity as "three little maids" - oh, please can I help????